Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
