Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
