Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
