I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
