I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
