I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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