He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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