Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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