Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
