Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
