I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
