My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
