There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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