i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Boobs speak an international language.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
