I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
