I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
