Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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