seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
