his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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