Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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