I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
