xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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