it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
