It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.