Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.