Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.