Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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