This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.