Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize