That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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