dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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