"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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