i need an iv and a liver transplant
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
