how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
