Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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