He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
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I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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