She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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