Since when is my name a synonym for head?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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