she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
