So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
one two three fourrrrnication!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
