i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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