haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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