the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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