so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
