Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
