Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Less talking, more tequila
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
