my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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