Do you still have your period?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
