Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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