I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i came on her dog
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
