The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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