i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
