Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
