was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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