He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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