I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
