I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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