guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
