how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
