I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
