I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
