he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
