I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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