I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
