I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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