if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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