I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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